new year's eve menu

- veggies with blue cheese dip [blue cheese, cream cheese, sour cream, horseradish, bacon pieces, pimentos, parsley, dehydrated onion, lemon juice, garlic, salt and pepper] and ranch dip,

- artichoke bottoms, seared and then blue cheese melted on top,

- bacon wrapped, oyster-stuffed mushrooms,

- swedish meatballs,

- crescent roll wrapped lil smokies with my homemade mustard dip,

- peppermint bark,

- chocolate covered popcorn,

- champagne with raspberries at midnight,

- illegal fireworks,

- and drinks galore.

one too many Jones'?

If you watch the Jacksonville Jaguars with any regularity, you'll notice one severe flaw in the team: We really don't have a wide receiver that Gerrard or Del Rio can rely on. Matt Jones is noticeably the most erratic receiver that I have seen in a very long time. One play he will catch a wobble on the outside and then on the next, a perfect floater will escape his 6'4" in height and another 3 feet in reach. He can't be counted on game-to-game and every time the ball is tossed in his direction, I hold my breath and pray. Unfortunately, most of the time my prayers fall on deaf ears.

So what's on my mind as we go into the playoffs?

Please don't put Matt Jones in... unless he's used as a decoy.

and,

I wonder if Del Rio has been looking for his replacement?

Seriously, folks. He's getting worse, not better. If we are going to have this "well-rounded, power house" of a team, we need guys that can come out any given Sunday, Monday, Saturday and maybe even a Thursday and catch.the.freakin.ball. He had a "banner game", the last regular season game of the year. Some may say it's because Jones-Drew and Taylor weren't playing. "The running game was null and void". I think it's because they were out, too. Just for different reasons.

You see, he was one of the few 1st string players we had on the field today. [And I agree with the decision. Next week's game is more important.] Being that he was one of the few with the most experience, of course Gray was going to throw to him. He completed about 80% of the times the ball touched his hands, but when you're thrown to over a dozen times, I'd hope the percentage would be high. When you're only talking about half a dozen touches per game and half of those are incomplete, that's not someone that's making plays regularly.

I think it should be seriously considered to trade him to Miami for a high 2nd or 3rd round draft pick. We need an explosive WR, someone fresh out of college wanting to make his mark in a team that desperately needs him. We need someone to come into that position like Garrard did at QB. Matt Jones will never be that guy. Never. Not only because he was a QB in college, but fundamentally, he's not a receiver.

So, it will be interesting to see what happens in this coming Wild Card game. I'm crossing my fingers, as always. Not only for the win, but for some rubber cement on Matt Jones' hands.

2 things

First I need to take care of some editorial business. I need to make a correction from the meme where I was nonchalant about choosing a favorite Christmas show. It is indeed "A Scooter for Yaksmas". The Ren & Stimpy Christmas special.

Secondly, I spit up from laughter watching this commercial [click on the link and then Baby Alive Wets & Wiggles link in the middle] which came on during the previously mentioned TV show. To any of you that have either been around infants or have children yourself I have one question: Do you or did you ever purposefully take off their diaper so that you would get peed on? And, perhaps more importantly, is the message you want to send to your cute, darling little daughter go something like "Take off the diaper! It's gonna pee! HEHHE! I just got peed on!"

No?

Yeah. I didn't think so.

[And keep in mind, this is a commercial for a kid's toy, advertised on Nickelodeon.]

Happy Holidays, folks.

long exposure

This is my first attempt at long exposures. To make matters more difficult, I used my monopod [since my tripod has to wait until Christmas to be opened] and don't have a remote shutter release.

as the dolphins turn

So apparently the deal that was struck to sell the team and the stadium to some real estate developers has pittled out, unraveling before it got too much past rumor-vision.

Now, the newest chapter in the saga of the team, Bill Parcels is reported to have signed on, or at least verbally agreed, to become the Dolphin's new General Manager, leaving the Falcons abandoned in talks at the wake of the decision.

Personally, I don't care about what difficulties the Falcons are going through. I'm glad Vick is in jail. I watched as they picked up our outed QB, Leftwich, only to be hurt the next week and out for the rest of the season. How many QBs have they been through since the start of the season? 4?

Anyhow, hopefully Parcels, who has more team building experience than anyone on the Dolphin's payroll, can resurrect a team that has the ability just not the focus.

i'm it

A fellow blogger, Mr. Hex of Sleep Dirt, was tagged and well, since I'm a grimy capitalist, I figured I'd indulge myself in this Christmas meme. It's one of the few times you'll see me doing something like this and it's mostly because I screwed the hell out of my knee playing drunk Cranium and I'm sort of on the immobile side and bored. [Never ever do charades, plastered, in stocking feet on freshly polished hard wood floors. Just don't.]

1) What do you really want for Christmas but you know nobody will get for you?

• a Nikon D300. Why won't anyone get it? The body and lenses will cost over $2500. I can't ask that of anyone so it's on my "buy for myself" list.

2) What do you not want for Christmas but you know that somebody will get it for you?

• orange and chocolate candy. I hate the stuff. Also smelly bath stuff. The reason I don't want it is because I'm really particular about what smells I like and they are so few and far between. I have tons of little gift sets under my sink for when guests stay over and shower.

3) When do you open your gifts (Christmas eve or Christmas morning)?

• 1 on christmas eve, the stockings when we get up Christmas morning, eat breakfast and then open the rest under the tree.

4) Do you prefer gifts wrapped or in gift bags?

• There's nothing more reminiscent of childhood than tearing into beautifully wrapped presents with a vengeance.

5) Did you regift anything this year?

• Nope. I have never regifted anything, actually. My friends and family either know me well enough to get me something specific or just give me money. It's a great system.

6) What’s your favourite Christmas movie?

• I have 3 actually. The Nightmare Before Christmas, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and the standard, A Christmas Story. If I was with my family, added to the list would be Miracle on 34th Street.

7) What’s your favourite Christmas TV special?

• I don't really have one. I can't think of any show's Christmas episode at all, actually. But if The Grinch is a TV special and not a movie, it'd would be on this list.

8) Do you like egg nog?

• Hell NO. Not even made into "hard egg nog". Milk products and liquor = a Merry Puking Christmas.

9) Real tree or fake tree, which do you prefer?

• Real all the way. I grew up with real trees and suffered through the last 8 years with fake ones - until this year. Hardwood floors makes the idea much more appetizing when considering the thought of picking needles out of the cheap apartment carpet for the next 11 months. I have a 9ft Noble Fir in my living room and it makes the whole place smell like Christmas.

10) Would you actually use one of those fireplace DVDs if you don’t have a fireplace?

• Only as a joke.

11) Are you sick of Christmas music yet?

• Actually I haven't heard much of it. Maybe that's because I have been specifically avoiding it.

12) Are you getting up early to wait in line to do some Boxing Day shopping (Canada’s equivalent to Black Friday)?

• I don't even know when that is. I'm an American pig-dog, yo.

13) When was the last time you sat on Santa’s lap?

• Depends on which Santa and which lap you're referring to.

snow isn't warm

If global warming = a warming of the temperatures, how can cold weather = global warming?

Oh sure, I'm sure someone will respond with "BUT BUT BUT global warming can bring on ANY type of climate change!!! Like fer sure!"

My response? "Dude.. it's called global WARMING by your god, your leader and your infallible robot Al Gore... who got a fucking Nobel "Peace" Prize for sensationalizing fear and theory. That's like giving one to Bill Clinton for monogamy. Or me for patience.

It's arrogant to think that man has power over the clouds, the weather systems and when or where a hurricane will fall. It's also false. Oh, and speaking of hurricanes, how many fell on US soil this year and how many fell on other countries? After you have that answer, how many people died of extreme cold and snow that landed for the first time in almost 100 years? Ask the people in Buenos Aires if global warming is a problem.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Global Warming is as true and fact as Hoopakoomba, the god of turning people into blithering idiots. But you know what, Hoopakoomba has my vote before global warming because atleast then, maybe, there'd be some excuse for the blind faith that people have in words that just don't add up.

Global Warming, the hippie's God.

say it ain't so

As far back as I can remember, I've loved the Miami Dolphins. Pictures from the past, falling asleep on the couch in the apartment my father and I shared when he divorced my crazy biological mother after she set fire to the house, watching the Dolphins. Names like Mark "Super" Duper, Keith Jackson, Don Shula and, of course, Dan Marino comes to mind. The history, my childhood, the fans... it's all up for grabs.

The owner of the Dolphins are "entertaining" offers to sell the team. Not to another city. Oh no. They are looking to sell the stadium and thusly the team to Real Estate Developers.

As James Blunt has said,

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

So long to my beloved 'Phins.

dear mythbusters,

Let's get one thing straight. You aren't scientists. Mr. Wizard was more of a scientist, and much more respected in the area of science.

You want to know why after every episode your forum fills up with people doubting your work and telling you that your results were from incomplete data? Because it is. Pure and simple. The last 2 episodes I have seen have left me yelling at the tv.

Listen, I get that it's a TV show and it has to be edited for content, but even the "experiments" you do show are incomplete and wrought with "half-assity".

The first 2 seasons of the show were awesome. Especially before Kari showed up and made the entire thing a complete and utter joke. She's the antithesis of women in science. In fact, I don't think I've seen her participate in any single form of intelligent thought in over a year. I get that she's hot, for a nerd girl. I get that ratings are important, but think of those first 2 years of laborious work Adam and Jaime did and how much of an instant hit it was. I know explosions and tits put butts in seats and eyes on your show, but so do real and thorough experiments and complete answers. Grant is brilliant. Tory knows his place. The show wouldn't be what it is without Jaime, who is truly patient man, and Adam, who brings the fun.

Just don't belittle your viewers and dumb down the show anymore. I already don't know how much more I can stand.

prepare for the future

You know that kid that you are sure is going to end up in jail? The neighborhood miscreant, your nephew that has adopted a new obsession called "punching walls"? The teenage girl who laughs when she tells her friends she beat the crap out of her boyfriend when she was wasted the other night? Yeah. Them. Every single person has met one of those kids. You can just see it in their eyes.

Well, I have the Christmas gift for you. The "jail stripe" sweatshirt. Get them used to wearing the stripes before their mail and every bodily cavity is thoroughly inspected daily.

bachelor dessert

All you need is tortillas, butter, cream cheese and jelly. Honey and sugar is optional.

Just melt some butter in a pan. While that's going on, spread some cream cheese on the tortilla, leaving atleast an inch around the edges cheese-free. Add a small amount of jelly to that. Less than you'd think. I promise. Roll them up and pop them in the pan, rolling it in the butter so the entire thing is coated. Sprinkle sugar on one half then roll it over and sprinkle sugar on that side. Let it cook until golden brown and then roll it over and repeat. Remove from pan, drizzle with honey and sprinkle some "desserty" spice. Cinnamon works. I use orange zest.

It's cheap. It's easy and it curbs a sweet tooth. [and if you use margarine, low-fat cream cheese and low-sugar jelly, it's not "all that bad" for you]

flying

no shizza?

1. Go to Google Images.

2. Put in search terms "sister patterson".

3. What's the #1 result?

That's right. Me. Now wonder I've gotten an insane number of hits in the last few days.

If only I had something of importance to say.

I'm above vh1 and the new york times. That's apparently how special I am.

edit, 12.12.07: I'm no longer #1 since the post has been pushed off the 1st page. But I was for 2 days.

mcaddicted

I think McDonalds puts an addictive additive in McNuggets. I had a kid's meal a few days ago and can't get the thought out of them out of my mind and I want more. You know, just FYI.

a proper camera toss

I tossed the camera at my 3ft fiber optic tree and caught it.

snob moment

It really bugs me when people post-process "film grain" into digital photos. If you want a film grain look, go buy a $30 film camera.

Look, I'm not suggesting that everyone should invest the time and money that I have into equipment that's 30-60 years old. All I'm saying is that if you want to take pictures that look like film, Use Film.

Plus, fake film grain Always looks stupid.

smoker

too much

Often people wonder why I don't have a relationship with my biological mother and her side of the family. While she's done several horrible things to me over my 30 1/2 years of life, [including on many occasions attempting to and succeeding in stealing money from me], I'm over it for the most part. The main reason I still refuse to have any sort of exchange with her, not even a Christmas card, is because she's a horrible person. Don't believe me? Well, if you want to understand watch the middle 15 minutes of "I Love New York 2", episode "Meet the Parents" and instead of New York's mother, imagine my mother.

That's the bio-mother.

As a fan of ILNY, after seeing that episode I don't know how much more I can stomach. Watching someone who is exactly like her getting away with, and even rich by, treating people in the same manner that made me cry every time I was guilted into spending time with my own mother makes me sick. And the fact that New York is so controlled and so weak that she allows her mother to invade and orchestrate every aspect of her self-esteem and her life is probably the final nail in the coffin for me. If she allows her mother to treat people that way, on tv and in public, you know what she allows her mother to do to her is 10 times worse - and that's sick.

It was amusing when the focus was a reactionary and selfish drama-queen. Now that it's turned into an exercise of excusing, allowing and even congratulating vile and unacceptable behavior, I don't want to be a part of it.

digital hibiscus