holy cattiness, batgirl

(or "Why I Quit the Gym")

I'll never understand why women, my fairest of the sexes, continue to attack each other with viciousness that should be considered emotional abuse.

I quit my all-women gym today. I can't stand that place and I refuse to go back. I sent off a letter to the corporate headquarters as well as my location, demanding an instant cancellation of my membership without any penalties. Below is what I sent out, with names removed of course.

Dear Sir/Madam:

I have been a member at (The Gym) for 4 months now. During that time I have yet to experience the "comfort" or "joy" your representative, The Manager who is also receiving a copy of this letter, gushed about during my initial tour and week trial.

Since my third week I have experienced abuse and belittlement by many of the other members. I have even tried to rearrange my schedule only to receive the same treatment from entirely different women. I have had personal items moved and hidden. I've had notes that can be summed up as "Go Away, Cunt" left on my car. (Some were nicer. Most were not.) After growing tired of the talking, pointing and looks my way, I went through my workout with my headphones in but no music on so I could hear what was being said. I left, drove around the corner and sobbed.

When I broached this subject with the Manager 3 weeks ago, she said I must have been imagining it all. Maybe I forgot which key hook my keys were on. Perhaps I was being over-sensitive.

That was a mistake on my part. I should have just quit then, but because I'm in a contract and the second closest location is 20 miles from my home I tried to stick it out. I thought it would make me a stronger person, but honestly I've been dealing with hostility from women all of my life and I don't believe an all-women gym is another place I want to add to that list.

After my conversation with The Manager things escalated. I found my towel, which was taken at the end of my visit 3 days ago while I was showering off, smelling like cat urine today. How can grown adults act this way? How can it be allowed and excused - overlooked by management and perhaps even encouraged?

I specifically switched to Your Gym after having issues with a male trainer who went too far in his advances after my membership was up at the last gym I attended. I was hoping for a safe place to work out. Sadly, I still haven't found one.

I'm not the litigious type, however I feel I have to give your company this ultimatum: Either cancel my membership with no financial penalties or I will seek representation. Attached is a list of incidents, including dates, times and either names or descriptions of the member/s who were involved. I could choose to take this to the local news resources and destroy your business locally. However, I'd prefer the situation be resolved and staff replaced for other women out there rather than have a media circus around myself. If I'm not taken seriously, though, I will not hesitate to do what I think is best.

Have a good day,
My Name, Address, Phone number and membership account number

I've left the name of the gym out on purpose. If the situation does come to a head, I don't want to have a blog with names and information out there. As long as I leave this information out, nothing can be done by the company. But, you know, how many "all women" gyms are there that are located throughout the entire US? Not that many.

super bowl party

Like every party I have, I'm going all out for this one:

• chicken wings - hot, mild, medium spice bbq and Jamaican jerk
  
• mini chimichangas
• meatballs
• jalapeno poppers
• deep fried mozzarella cheese sticks
  
• tempura style fried veggies (with a horseradish sauce and a traditional tempura dipping sauce)
• typical meat and veggie trays
  
• cheesecake bites
• s'mores
  

(all homemade)

I'm testing the menu tomorrow night, a single portion of each, so I will know ahead of time if I need to alter anything. I let some friends know and it's sort of turning into a pre-super bowl party. I guess that's what happens when everyone loves your food (and liquor and company in general).

ok weirdness

I'm not sure how to jump into this story, but here we go..

So I grew up with this kid Jamie. Literally grew up with. There's pictures of us at 2 years old taking a bath together, apparently. My dad and his dad were best friends and spent a lot of time together. So until I was 11-12, right before puberty, there were constant fishing outings, camping trips, Dolphins games and NASCAR weekends with me and Jamie, my dad and his dad. Like brother and sister. His dad is the one who introduced my dad and step-mom when I was about a year and a half old. (It was at a Halloween party. Upon leaving, my future step-mom got a flat tire and got stuck in a ditch and my dad helped her. A year and a half later, they were married.)

Fast-forward to dinner tonight with a whole bunch of my parents' friends, when about 19-20 years have gone by with less than minimal contact. (I'm 31, so you don't have to do the math.)

The dude hit on me.

And it sort of creeped me out. I'm not saying he had boils or a hunchback or pube-nuckles. But... Ok.. For one, he's married. I made that mistake a long time ago that even involved a call from the wife. No ma'am. Never again.

Number two, and what really got to me, was that he still felt some closeness, some sort of infinity, with me - after all this time. In his mind, we were still those little kids throwing dirt at each other. Don't get me wrong, I love a good mudpie fight, but I haven't spoken 2 words during the last 65% of my life. There wasn't any attempt to get to know me and my life at this juncture. It was like being viewed as a photograph instead of a person and I think that's what bothered me the most.

Number three, he was like my brother growing up. Because we haven't had any contact, our relationship hasn't had a chance to change from a distant memory. So to me, he's a relative. One that I haven't seen in a long time, but a relative none-the-less. To be hit on by a relative is, well, weird.

Sure, like any girl I liked the compliments and appreciated being noticed, but it was still weirdness.

double entendre day

I've been full of them lately:

Exhibit 1:
"Stop trying to shove your nuts down my throat.. I mean on me.. I mean the cashews!"

Exhibit 2:
".. I found [4 lighters] in my secretary."

Exhibit 3:
"Are you going to put it in or not?" (Irish Cream into coffee)

Exhibit 4:
"It can get laid in there." (Said while loading the "dish dryer". I use my dish washer as a gigantic rack to dry the dishes. I don't run it. I hate dishwashers. They never really get dishes cleaner than doing them by hand.)

Exhibit 5: (and my personal favorite)
"Will you pleaaase just put it in?" (Said while waiting for a friend to wrap up a never ending story and put the damn Pineapple Express DVD in.)

please

Can someone explain men to me?

Why must they blame everything on a woman?


I want to understand.

-----

Since I noticed that several people had tried to read this post through google after I saved it as a draft, I guess I should publish and explain it. I spent what was supposed to be a fun girls' night out listening to a guy whine about how his girlfriend of 3 months broke up with him because he cheated on her because she, apparently, was waiting awhile to have sex with him. I'm sitting there playing pool with a group of friends and all we hear is that crap all night. It was one of the most annoying things I've ever overheard.

Also, you have to envision 4 drunkish girls sitting around and discussing this event, too. (Which was when this post was made, originally.) So just imagine a vagina-frence (instead of a normal conference) at 3 in the morning consisting of 4 women retelling their dating horror stories and identical problems in relationships. It got quite estrogeny.

trial and error

I'm finding it's entirely impossible to try to maintain a relationship, friendship or otherwise because "relationship" doesn't denote "sex", with zealots. I don't mind spiritual people. I've always been the type to live and let live. If I don't tread on your shoes, there's no reason to stain mine.

A close friend of mine has recently had an "experience with god" and while I appreciate that they are turning their life into a positive direction - new job, new outlook on life, general optimism and a break from bad habits - I don't appreciate the relentless attempts at conversion.

You see, she was an agnostic. (Which I'll cover my feelings of agnostics some other time, but I'll leave my comment here as: I don't like wafflers.) I accepted her decision to delay her conclusion on belief vs. not. It's not my life, nor is it my decision. She left herself open to believe in something that I have no interest in "opening myself up to", and again, that's her right. A short time ago, she went through an experience that was honestly difficult and she began to have vivid dreams of a "heavenly voice" speaking to her. Those dreams continued for more than a week and during that week she became more and more convinced that it was the voice of god comforting her.

To each their own.

She's taken it upon herself to try to convince me that her way is right even though this whole time of listening to her proselytize, I have never tried to convince her that she was wrong. I merely posed the idea that perhaps the voice could represent her grandfather, whom she loved and was very close to. Dreams are usually representations of some form. "No no no," she said. She was convinced it was god, and sometimes Jesus, speaking to her.

Now it's come to the point where a single conversation, no matter how short, involves her restating a bible quote she read that day or something that she heard at church and so on. I've spoken to her as kindly as I can, hinting that while I will always respect her beliefs, I wish she would respect my faith in science.

To no avail.

I hate the idea that I may be losing a very good friend to a book and what I believe is a mythical creature, but I don't know how much more I can stand of her attempts to convert me. If it doesn't stop soon, I fear I may have to start sending her emails and pamphlets on the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or worse, stop contact all together.

changes

Remember how in college you never really cared who did what on your bed? I know that wasn't just me. There was so much drunken sex going on in the dorms it couldn't have been. Maybe it was because I never really let myself ponder the realities.

Now things have changed. I've grown up, maybe. Or just the thought of laying in someone else's fluids honestly grosses me out.

A few weeks ago, for New Year's Eve, I had friends of mine stay over because I wasn't going to let anyone drive home drunk. Because My guest room only has a twin bed and the bed I sleep on is a king, I let my set of married friends use my bed - but not without preparation.

I bought a giant plastic sheet.

Not only that, but I gave them specific instructions to use the sheet and then they would be putting the bed linens in the washer and dryer. (I always serve a decent sized brunch the day after a large party I host for the over-nighters.) Even though I'm close with the both of them, the thought of accidentally touching their dried up fluids made my stomach turn into knots.

When did this happen? When did the shift from the care-free college student to the adult occur? It seems like it sneaked up on me all at once. I remember both me and my roommate having sex with our boyfriends at the same time, giggling encouragement at each other. Having sex in front of people, such as in a dorm mate situation, never bothered me. I was booted out of 4 bars for having sex with my boyfriend in the bathroom. No, it's not like I'm a prude now, but I don't give road head during daylight hours anymore. I certainly don't want my friends in the same room with me and the thought of a video camera almost makes me shudder.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I want to be on the 50 yard line during the Super Bowl humping away like rabbits, but when did the nonchalance leave my personality? When did I move to being such a private person in several aspects of my life? It's not something I'm used to, but I see it in my blogging all of the time.

Ten years ago, before Blogger, I never censored myself. I talked about anything and everything. Hell, 6 years ago I did as well. Now trying to write something completely honest and truthful is as hard as self-dentistry. Why it confuses me so much is because I've created this personae, this unMuse, that's in no way publicly connected to my real name, to the life I have with a job I don't want to lose. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of my life, so why do I still hide behind inuuendos and deleted posts?

The answer is "I don't know".

It's not a fear of people "getting to know" me. I'm always open and honest in emails and other private communications. And it's not like I have thousands of readers. The few readers that I know out in the real world know my life and most, if not all, of my secrets. I tell my best friends everything - the good, the bad and the truly embarrassing.

I'm not sure where this online reticence has come from. I'm also not sure if it's something I want to change, which raises even more questions.

The never ending journey of self-understanding rarely comes with definitive answers. Only more questions.

ramble on

Sometimes I wonder where curiosity has gone.

Where have the days of my grandparents gone when everyone knew a lot of things? For example: my grandfather. He was an avid HAM radio operator and fixed his own equipment. He worked on the cars and lawn mowers. He knew about farming, horses and cows. He repaired watches and electronics. He was an economics and history buff.

Now a-days it seems that people specialize in one or two subjects and that's it. One subject is always work related. The other is usually politics or media (such as television) related. It's not very often I find someone that can, in one conversation, move from science, art and photography, design and architecture, technology, philosophy, literature, religion and last week's Robot Chicken. And it's not like I'm particular. I don't care if you know who wrote what, said what or who's making what. I just want to be able throw ideas around, talk about the all-encompassing world we live in.

I can't blame the internet because that's where I get a good portion my information. I can't blame television because it is entertainment. It's not the fault of anyone but the people themselves.

It's not like I expect everyone to care about the latest news from NASA, but that's not all I can talk about. What about local news or politics? What about the state of mankind or travels?

I like Family Guy, South Park and The Simpsons, but if you haven't heard of Futurama I'm taken back. Also if you're such a "huuuuuge fan" of Seth MacFarlane, how come you haven't seen the Seth Comedy shorts on youtube? I like TV as much as anyone I know, but I don't want to discuss the intricacies of LOST, Damages or Nip/Tuck for an hour. I also don't want to talk about the latest blockbuster movies. Yes it was funny/scary/intense, but so what? What about "The Pleasure of Being Robbed", "Just Buried" or cheesy zombie flicks? My favorite recent one is "Dead and Breakfast".

I guess my point is.. well.. I don't know what the point is, really. I guess I'm just bored with the conversation that's available to me at the moment. I'm bored with a lot of things, really.

oh family

How I love that it exists. Sometimes, though, I wish it didn't have my phone number.

to be honest

I'm much more concerned about Hillary Clinton being appointed Secretary of State than anything else with the new presidency.

Like in the past, I'm going to have to see what influence Obama has before applauding or scoffing. Unlike most, I don't believe in or doubt simply based the political party affiliation or race. While I see the historical importance of having a man that's not 100% white in the seat, I don't place faith in or am skeptical based on the color of anyone's skin, something they were born with and didn't choose. What I will base my judgements of Obama on are his actions and choices in this role he's been elected to. Hopefully he will succeed in ways that haven't been imagined. Hopefully there will be a positivity. But we don't know the outcome based on speeches written solely to get elected. Will he have a second term? We don't know. I don't know. Will he be a great president? I hope so.

I know I certainly didn't want McCain as president, but the "lesser of 2 evils" is still a politician.

whatta

well.. it's been quite a weekend.

post important familial stuff, the Cards won and the Ravens lost.. So at least I have ONE team in the Super Bowl that I will be rooting for (unlike last year).

There will be more posting later, but let me just say I really don't like Troy Aikmen, Phil Simms or Joe Buck as announcers. Yeah. I'm sorry.. but what down? Whose ball? What receiver or tackler? Mmmhmm.

I could do better and I have a vagina. (I've also been obsessed with football since I can remember being 2 years old falling asleep to the Phins and Hurricanes - and BoSox but that's a different sport- on the pull out couch with my Father. So.. yeah.. I'm sorry Troy but you may have taken too many shots to be able to be able to recognize who has the ball and what down it is.... Next...)

And although this question will probably never be answered: Google, I'm not complaining, but I'd like to know how I got so high up in your rankings. Anyhow... Thanks, yall. If I search almost anything in my blog I'm in the top 1-2 pages and that's pretty awesome.

past: revisted

Tomorrow. Yikes... Tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day for me.

When I was 18 I got pregnant and ended up giving the child up for adoption. It was the hardest decision and action I've ever been through.

Currently my sister is pregnant and is giving the child up for adoption. Tomorrow I'm going to meet the adoptive parents with her. It's not going to be an easy process for me.

While I know I've dealt with my past pretty well, it's still very emotional for me to talk about let alone physically retrace the steps. I hope I can be strong for her tomorrow. I know that's what she needs.

You see, our biological mother is a terrible person. She's mean, vindictive and conniving. She's not someone who is supportive or loving and my sister doesn't want her there for the first meeting with these people, the people who are going to raise her child. Because I've been through this before, she called this morning and asked me to be there for her, to do this with her.

When she did, everything in my body screamed "NOOOO!" but I can't do that to her. She needs someone there for her and she's my sister. I have to put my own emotions aside to be there for her. It's just how things are. It's what family means.

.. but it's not going to be easy.

i love them but..

insomnia

You know those dreams, those very vivid dream, that you fight with every part of your subconscious, hoping either to wake up or change the direction of the dream?

Ok. Well take that feeling and apply it to laying in bed, desperately wanting to go to sleep, to relax and your body and mind to renew. That's insomnia.

I can't fight my mind into sleep. I can't will it or wish it. I can't plead, argue or cajole. On top of that, when the sun rises, after fighting with myself, my brain is only that more exhausted and disconnected.

Have you ever taken acid? When I was a teenager, I was pretty familiar with it. After you're done peaking, after those crazy 8 hours, all you want to do is sleep but your mind is racing and your body is twitching. All in all, it's impossible. Sort of like mixing xanax and cocaine with a touch of peyote for the slight audio and visual hallucinations after the 24-hr mark of being awake has passed. (which is where I'm at now)

I go through this monthly and people have asked me why I don't take sleep medications. Well, for one, in my experience they don't help. If I do happen to get to sleep, I sleep walk which can end in several ways - with a concussion, with me drawing on the walls or half naked on my front porch. (All have happened within the past year.) Sure, most of the time I just wake up not in my bed and freak out a little, but there are occasions of potentially dangerous situations.

The other reason is that if by some stroke of luck I do fall asleep, it's not restful. I wake up feeling groggier and heavier than I would if I just stayed awake. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

It's just something I have learned to deal with, and complain about. With how deary and rain it is today, my body just wants to curl up on the couch with the remote and a cup of hot tea. My mind, however, isn't having any of it.

dropped days

Weekends like this past one are annoying.

It was Friday evening. I blinked (or blunk as I like to say) and all of a sudden here it is Monday morning. I know I did stuff but it all went by much too fast and now it's time to work.

Fun reading of the morning:

Earth on the Brink of an Ice Age
http://tinyurl.com/9zenkk

"Most of the long-term climate data collected from various sources also shows a strong correlation with the three astronomical cycles which are together known as the Milankovich cycles. The three Milankovich cycles include the tilt of the earth, which varies over a 41,000 year period; the shape of the earth’s orbit, which changes over a period of 100,000 years; and the Precession of the Equinoxes, also known as the earth’s ‘wobble’, which gradually rotates the direction of the earth’s axis over a period of 26,000 years. According to the Milankovich theory of Ice Age causation, these three astronomical cycles, each of which effects the amount of solar radiation which reaches the earth, act together to produce the cycle of cold Ice Age maximums and warm interglacials."

It's really compelling, especially in the area of having Al Gore's Nobel Prize ripped from his hands. But in reality, I think all of the "global warming" bandwagoneers need to look at all of the data that's being submitted by all areas of science before they decide that man is more powerful than the Earth and beyond.

I've always maintained that the Earth is going through it's long-established cycles and this "newest" information is backing that up. Yes, man can be very destructive, but the Earth? She is strong, my friends. We are merely those "Freshmen 15" to her. She's going to do her thing, no matter what. Yes, recycle. Yes, reduce our garbage and noxious fumes. Reduce our dependency on oil (but also understand we need oil products, like petroleum). But please understand we don't control everything. We don't control our Earth.

internet communication 101 - emailing

hi how are you doing today my day has been very good this morning something happened and im going to spend the next 30 minutes trying to make you decipher what the hell im talking about because im too lazy to bother to put in period or commas to separate the sentences my hope is that by the end of this message youll be completely insane are you insane yet nope okay then ill just have to type some more random crap that youll be too frustrated to care about because this message is one hot ass mess now imagine this being 7 times as long.

It's 2009, people. Do I really have to give the "please use some sort of punctuation" speech?

I'm not a grammar whore, even though many, many things bother me. I don't mind so much when people "forget" or choose not to use capitalization. Hell, I do it too in tweets or sms. Even lack of apostrophes, while annoying, isn't a "make or break" sort of thing with me. However, when you're too lazy to put a damn period between sentences, we have a problem. (You're/your and it's/its is on that list, too.)

Listen, it's hard enough to decipher sarcasm and tone from emails. Sometimes that stuff doesn't translate at all in a well-formed email. Now you throw in the "guess where my sentences end and begin" game? No ma'am. That is not communication.

"Communicate" is defined (by Merriam-Webster online) as "to transmit information, thought, or feeling so that it is satisfactorily received or understood". Did you happen to pick up on "satisfactorily received or understood"? Yeah, me too. Apparently some people out there have forgotten what it means to share an idea so others can understand it.

Just use punctuation in emails, people. I'm not even ranting about instant messages, sms or the like - just emails where you have line after like of verbiage. Also, it would be nice if you'd put returns between paragraphs to separate thoughts/ideas, but I know that's advanced. One step at a time.

If you want to be understood, or paid attention to, put some effort in, please. I mean it's just a simple dot.

my new phase du jour

"Oh God, stop slapping me in the face with your cock all covered with shit from fucking Jesus."

(here)

it's the simple things

I have to say there's really nothing better on my feet than one of my many pairs of Sock It To Me knee high socks.

The weather's gray and blustery, but not "cold" and only barely approaching "chilly" at 65 F. The breeze (or gusty wind) is what makes the goose pimple pop up all over my arms and the back of my neck. I don't want to put on a sweater nor do I want to change from my Palazzo Pants (comfy, loose capris) into actual "pants" or even my yoga pants. So what am I to do?

Put on my Sock It To Me knee highs. They are warm and soft while keeping the bottom 1/4 of my body nice and toasty, resulting in less need for more clothes.

(Plus I get to go hardwood floor skating on a whim.)

just like jesus

So Monday, the first day back in the "real world", was mostly terrible.

My laptop crashed, unexpectedly, but luckily for me was resurrected again in 7 hours.

You know, sometimes you can see it coming - things start force quitting, programs hang left and right and there's general malaise. But not yesterday. Oh no..

So I open it up and notice a lovely warp around my F8-F12 keys. That was my first clue. Then my wireless wouldn't connect. Second clue. Then the kicker. I restarted I got a lovely error message pre-boot that a certain system file missing.

That's when the panic hit me. I hadn't backed up my files, photography, music and installers for awhile now. About 3 months - which is long enough for me to lose 35gb of "stuff".

After the first wave of panic subsided I tried to figure out what I could do. I realized I could take out my hard drive, back it up to another external, format the drive and reinstall everything. Even though I'm getting a new drive, I can't be without a laptop for 5-10 days. I just can't.

Safe Mode? Nope. Repair install? Nope. There was no launching from disk, no nothing. It was broke. I even tried the repair console (not install) and used my DOS knowledge from 15+ years ago, but access to the Windows directory was denied.

I pulled out my drive and tried to connect it to an external casing I have. It wouldn't fit. There was a case on the drive. One that was screwed in by the mechanical drill of hell.

I ended up grabbing tin snips and tearing the thing off. Gently.
But there was as violent as tearing as I felt safe.

Once that was done I connected it to the PowerBook and waited... and waited... and waited for it to load the drive. It didn't. I suggested trying to load in Windows and it finally saw it. So, I pulled the files across to another external.

(minor victory dance)

Well, something happened while the drive was connected to the other computer and not only did it load from the XP disk, I was able to run a repair install.

(slightly more joyous victory dance)

After waiting the 40-ish minutes for the repair thing to happen, I had to restart. Like normal. Except for the fact that I got a blue screen of death saying my video driver was corrupted and couldn't be loaded... which sent me into a vicious cycle of rebooting until I almost cried. (which was all of one reboot)

I couldn't even launch in safe mode - again.

(fuck it. fuck this fucking computer. whatever. i give up.)

So after about 5 hours of trying this and that as to not lose all of my "stuff", I finally formatted the disk and reinstalled a fresh operating system.

Then came the 3 hours of drivers, necessary programs and files. Generally running as lean as possible. (I'm getting a new hard drive, remember? I'm not going to do all of the work twice.)

At 8pm I started drinking and put the laptop away. I connected my iPhone to the stereo for music and had a drinking game night with friends. I slept soundly and finally finished my final installs of the rest of my music and programs early today. There's still stuff I have to do - like install my scanner and printer drivers - but it can wait until I need them. What I had done was enough for now, damnit.

I really hope it's not a sign of things to come.

thinking about things

It's weird to be "getting back to normal" this year. I don't remember noticing much of a transition last year, so this year it seems to be glaring at me. 

Work goes back to Monday through Friday. There's no party plans that involve fireworks or sparkly trees. (The void in my living room is enormous.) Even the pretty outside lights are long taken down not only here, but around the neighborhood, too. 

I mean, it's been a month and a half of jingle bells and hugs. Now that we are going back to normal life, finding reasons for everyone to get together is going to be more difficult. The reasons to push off work are going to be nil. The population is going to get back into the normal routine of selfishness and general rudeness. 

It's like people normally get depressed during the holiday season. I get a little depressed afterwards. I like magical fairy tale world. I like contemplating the meaning of Santa and even don't mind merely rolling my eyes at the people who complain about it. (They must not know what they're missing.)

So, good-bye the end of 2008. Goodbye to a year that has been eventfully uneventful, where I began to feel a shift into what I can only explain as "adulthood". Oh I'm still a kid at heart. I have a voice changer megaphone that gets played with on a daily basis. But it's like I'm thinking about savings and reasons for working and not going out to a bar 4 nights a week and changing my priorities in general. I've moved on from a good deal of "friends", reevaluated relationships with everyone close to me. It's been a pivotal year and I am genuinely looking forward to what's ahead.

all hail

I have my iphone 3g. I don't think I've looked up in the last 3 hours.  It kicks all the butt!

... That's all. I rock. Hope everyone's day is as awesome as mine.

(My NYE was excellent and so have been the days before and after. The phone is honestly the highlight. No one really cares about my friends eating food, drinking copious amounts of liquor and "naked new years" but me.)