i'm angry

This is the face of a child molester.
(Actual Duval County mug shot.)

Crime affects more than the victims.

About 4 years ago, my circle of friends intertwined with another group and we met this man named Jon. He eventually told us the story of why he had been in prison. According to him, at the age of 25 he dated a 17 year old and the parents filed Statutory Rape charges against him and he was convicted.

"25 and 17?" I thought. "When I was 17 I dated a 24 year-old. That's not a big deal." So did everyone else and the story was put into the backs of our minds. Even when at 36 he dated a girl in her early 20s, we didn't really suspect anything. After all, many men "like them young", so to speak.

That was until 2 months ago when the news started coming down the line - "Jon has been arrested for having sex with a minor".

At first we didn't want to believe it. We hoped it was just angry parents after a falling out. But inquiry after inquiry only made the situation more real. As grief turned into bargaining, we hoped that it wasn't the youngest child (the 13 year old), but the 16 year old. Not because it would make any difference in the long run, but we were grasping at any sort of straw. It wasn't so much that we didn't want to believe it about him, but we didn't want to believe that we were actually friends with a child molester.

Then reality set in.

Not only had he had sex with the 13 year old girl on multiple occasions, he also made it possible to sneak around behind everyone's backs - buying her a cell phone and lying to everyone. Letters were found, stories came out and we were slapped in the face that we, many of us with children, had trusted this man in the presence of them.

But even that wasn't to be the end.

I took it upon myself today to search the sexual predator databases only to find out something I should have realized 4 years ago: He's always been a child molester. The reports on the websites informed me that he was charged with sexual contact with a child under 12. Not a 17 year old. A child under 12. To top that off, his recent mug shot is of him smiling and making a funny face - like it's all a big fucking joke.

Look at it. Doesn't it want to make you punch, shoot or otherwise cause severe bodily harm to him? To rip that fucking grin off yourself?

I will be the first to admit that I'm not the children nor their parents. I have no idea what it feels like to be his direct victims. I don't even have any children of my own. Still, it feels like we have been somehow slapped in the face, that in some way we too are the victims in this. It's caused me to question my trust in people's words. Why didn't I check to see if his story was true? Why did we believe this accomplished liar? What was I doing accepting this person at face value? I have no idea and it makes me very angry. I mean, we let him crash at our houses. A few worked with him and vouched for him. We trusted this piece of shit without even double checking his story! How could we be so stupid?

Am I that bad a judge of character?

Who does he think he is?

I hope he rots in hell. Not only because what he's done to innocent children, but for what he's done to those who trusted him. He deserves nothing less than death.

I've never wished actual, physical harm on anyone before in my life, but there's a first time for anything.

it's been awhile

Well.. I finally found out what the deal is with the guy I used to hang out with that was arrested for lewd and lascivious contact with a minor and it's not good.

Apparently, this is what happened: The guy I know was/is in love with a 13 year old. The child's parents found a letter addressed to "the guy", stating how much she loved him and discussed in detail the multiple times they had sexual contact (oral) and intercourse. Also, her parents found a phone he bought her so they could stay in touch. (You see, the father had forbid contact between the two of them a long time ago for reasons that I don't think I want to know. I already know too much.) When her family went looking for more evidence, they found out that he had checked her out of school on a few occasions. Also, the girl and her friends would often hang out with the guy and smoke pot and drink. Sadly I can imagine what those days entailed.

What does this mean?

He's going to prison for life. Unfortunately, my only response is "Good Riddance".

No matter what our friendship may have been at one point or another, I have a very firm line of what's acceptable and what isn't. Screwing a 13 year old when you're 37 definitely isn't.

From what I've heard everyone has abandoned him - including his parents. I wish I could feel pity for him but I can't. He chose his actions as clear as day. He calculated and manipulated. He knew exactly what he was doing and honestly, I'm glad he's caught. He abused a child. And no, it makes no difference to me that she was "in to it". He knows better, which is why it was kept a "secret". He knew he was doing something so totally fucked up and not only did he not prevent it, he found ways to make it possible.

He should be castrated.

hunting

I spent a few hours today looking longingly at houses in and around Seattle and Tacoma. Houses with views of the sound, Seattle's skyline and mountains miles in the distance. Gas ranges, multiple fireplaces and propane central heat. Triple levels, 2 stories and ramblers. Two car garages, mud rooms, sun rooms and roman baths. Open floor plans with support beams. Twenty four foot vaulted entry ways. Minutes to downtown, walking distance to rail. No apartments, no duplexes and no town homes. Single family, 3 bedroom minimum, fenced backyard home wanted. Large dogs accepted and construction with personality a must.

It's too soon to really spend too much time looking at any properties, but I can't help myself. I'm looking for my new home and that's exciting.

I'm just hoping the future goes by quicker than the last few months have seemed to drip by.

my 2 cents

I find it revolting when grown adults use social media (such as Twitter or Facebook) to call out an ex - directly calling them a terrible parent to hundreds of strangers. That's their private life. That's an argument that your current girl/boyfriend nor friends nor strangers need to be involved in and here you are, opening it up for all kinds of "yeah! they suck" or "OMG I can't believe they won't do X" or whatever. It's one thing to be frustrated with an ex's behavior and rant about it in a very personal way on a blog or to just simply state that you're annoyed or disappointed. It's another to do drive by insulting in front of people who don't know at least half of the parties involved.

It's childish and I've blocked people for less.

still waiting

I'm still waiting to find out what's going on with the guy I know that's in jail for lewd and lascivious battery on a minor. His court date was pushed back to March 31.

fondness

I have a soft spot in m heart for my pervy friends.

I can be feeling completely terrible about how I look or my hair or whatever on some random day and they know how to make me feel like an 11. It's a lovely thing.

future plans

Who else, but me, plans for things more than a year in advance? Not many, I'm sure, but here's the deal:

August of 2010 I'm moving to the Seattle-Tacoma area.

First let me say that I would be moving THIS August if it weren't for the fact I'm morally opposed to debt. Instead of charging a credit card for the cost of the movers like most people, I save for it. Instead of Paying 10-20% interest on $3500, I choose to Get Paid interest on my savings account. Responsible? Sure. A long slow drag until happiness? Correct, too. Also, there's not only the cost of the move, but also the cost of flights to look at rental properties and figure out the cities. I don't want to live in a crappy part of town and I don't want to be far from the rail transit, either. So, giving myself a year and a half to get my shit together seems like the most "Adult" way of going about it.

You see, I'm sick and tired of Florida. I know basically everyone in Jacksonville as it is - and I don't like them. I intimately know all of their problems and I believe a good portion of them are self-imposed by people with victim personalities. My bestest of the best friends will be moving this August, when her husband get stationed somewhere unknown. Once she's gone, there's really nothing left for me here in the armpit of the US. If I have to make new friends, I want to do it where I don't know anyone. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people love Florida but when you've spent 25 out of 31 years in one state, it starts to grate on you. Plus, I want seasons and mountains and just an entirely different scene when I step out of my front door. I want an arts scene that's accepting and open to new members rather than the trial by cliques that exists here. I've played that game and it's really dumb and tiresome and draining.

So why Washington? Well, Tacoma's cost of living is relative to what I'm used to. Also, and a biggie, there's no state taxes. It's closer to my boss in California, as well. A direct, 3 hour, $150 round trip flight is head and tails above a 6+ hour 2 layover $500 round trip flight any day of the week. There's mountains AND water. It's also accessible to the places I want to travel - Alaska, Japan, Australia and so on. Sea-Tac is a truly busy airport, with flights everywhere unlike Jax "International". (I use the quotes loosely.) But mainly, I'm tired of it here. I'm tired of the routine, the people and the problems. Now, I realize EVERY city has its issues, but I'm more willing to deal with new issues in a city that already works rather than a city where I feel very little is changing for the better.

So, that's what my focus is going to be for the next 17 months of my life - a new adventure.

letter to a troubled friend

To give a little back story, I've known this girl for almost 10 years. When we met we were party friends - clubbing, doing ecstasy and drinking. Over the years, she's stayed the same person while I've grown up. I still care about her because we were very close, but I can't have her in my life. She's in jail - the 4th time since August. Being a friend means sometimes saying the things that are hard to hear.

---

Lisa-

This is a letter you're probably not going to want to read, but it's something I believe you need to hear. It's not going to be easy for you, but I'm going to try to be as nice as possible.

Have you stopped and tried to consider why you keep getting arrested - why this is the 4th time in 7 months? I hope you realize that you are making these decisions. You've decided to steal, as well as to drive on a bad tag and license without insurance. At the same time, you've also decided to trade down in your friendships. Rose and I want the best for you. Want you to help yourself out of your situations. Most of all, we want you to decide that you are better than “all of this” (just look around you). Instead of continuing the friendships with us, you chose to be close to people who have addictions and issues galore.

One could say that you are a product of your environment, but that's still blaming those around you. You chose your environment and accepted it willingly, with open arms. One thing I know that you struggle with is accepting responsibility for the things that happen in your life. Have you stopped to consider that you allow those things because of the people you choose? The world isn't out to get you, Lisa. You're out to get yourself. For whatever reason I firmly believe that you don't think you're worth having a good life or friends (or a man) that actually care about you and want not only what's best for you but want to improve their lives as well. Look at Shawna. Did she want what's best for you? What about dude's sister and family? Do they care if you go to jail? Is anyone in your current circle of friends visiting you or writing you letters? I honestly hope for your sake they aren't. You're not going to improve your life if you continue behaving in the same manner that has gotten you into this situation.

I'm not writing this to be mean or cruel. I honestly care what happens to you. I just can't have you in my life with the choices that you make. I love you, but I can't stand beside you and support you when you make terrible decision after terrible decision. Unfortunately, you shit all over the the friendship when you decided to talk crap about my relationship with Jason to Shawna. That stuff always comes back around, you know. You also decided to shit all over me when you chose trash over a friend that cared enough to be honest with you. I'm sorry that what I have to say hurt your feelings, but instead of running away, you should have thought about it. Rose has done so much for you – more than I will ever have the patience to do. And still you choose to associate yourself with people who don't care about you over those who are strong enough to give you the tough love you need.

I'm just frustrated, Lisa. I know you must be, too. It's frustrating finding out that you're in jail again. It's frustrating that you could care less what happens to yourself. Sometimes it seems like I care about you more than you care about yourself and honestly, that's terrifying. I'm not sure what you are punishing yourself for, but you need to forgive yourself. You need to move past living the way you do. Shoplifting at 31 isn't acceptable. Bouncing from house to house and being unable to hold down a job because of getting arrested isn't acceptable, either.

Listen, I know this letter is going to make you very angry. I know that. But I hope that there will be some time in the future where you will think about what I'm saying here. It's impossible to love someone that doesn't love themselves which is why I deserted and/or abandoned you. How many times did I invite you over, buy you wine and food for you to just get so messed up on liquor and that you passed out? How many times have you chosen cocaine addicts and pill heads over people that want what's best for you – that love you so much that we're constantly disappointed when you screw up? Not only that, Lisa, but how many times have you actually lied to me? Over the years I've heard so many conflicting stories from you. I know you lie because you're embarrassed by the truth. I know you cling to Josh because you're scared no one will love you. But honey, you don't love yourself. You think it's hard to find a guy because you're overweight. But that's not the issue, really. No one can love someone who doesn't love and appreciate themselves.

I often wonder if you really know who you are. I've noticed that you take on the traits of the group of friends you choose. When you're around responsible people, you're responsible. When you're around people who make a whole lot of bad decisions, you make them as well.

I know you probably don't see “a way out”, but there ARE ways. You'd have to abandon all of the people who encourage your bad behavior and start fresh with a new group of friends – those bent on bettering their lives at all costs. Those who will get a job at a convenience store or fast food joint so they can support all of their needs. Those who consciously choose to be alone rather than be surrounded by people who don't want what's best for them. Your life has almost hit rock bottom. You're getting very close to the worst of the worst. I don't want to see that happen to you because deep down you are a very caring, loving person that wants to be accepted so badly you'll do anything to win people over. I think you're terrified, too. And probably confused and not sure about anything.

Everyone makes mistakes, Lisa. Everyone in this world. The difference is that most people learn from those mistakes and spend years trying to rectify them. I don't know if you've learned from your mistakes or if you've just decided to be a victim and not take responsibility for the direction you've pointed your life.

Look around you, Lisa. This time in jail needs to be a time that you refocus your efforts and make new decisions. You've become a habitual offender. Clay county currently has a hold on you as well. You've gotten yourself so deep that I know it's going to be a struggle to get out of. You've gotten yourself into a whole lot of trouble that is followed with a whole bunch of fines. It's time for you to suck it up and get off of this path at all costs. What's more important – people worth nothing loving you or you being proud of yourself? I know you're not proud of yourself right now. I know it's probably very lonely there. Please don't embrace jail. Please don't embrace what you've made of your life. Please choose something different.

Again, I'm sorry if you're hurt, but I'm not sorry that I've decided to say all this to you. I care enough about you to be fed up. I care enough to risk furthering your hate for me. And I hope that someday you'll care more for yourself than I do.