strange bedfellows

This is what happens when myself, a recently gifted zombie toy and plates from a cookie press are in the same room...

no go

Well, I can't replace my solenoid because I can't even get the damn starter off. Stupid bolts are stuck. (And yea, if I had a running car I could go get the pb blaster. But I don't, so don't tell me to get it. WD-40 is junk.)

Despotism

A drinking game that only the players know about.

At the beginning of the night out, everyone picks a "position" and follows those "rules". (Tear as many pieces of paper as there are people playing, write "Dictator", "General" on 2 of them and throw everything in a hat. Or program some random java script, whatever.)

But here's the thing, you aren't necessarily stuck with those cards. A majority of players can "overthrow the government". (If there are 5 people playing, including the dictator, then you need 3 people to call for a switch. If there's a tie, you have to convince another player any way you can. Sexual favors usually work.)

And of course, people can and will add their own rules. Every group has their thing. I'm sure the especially cruel, frat guys will force a pawn to make out with someone gross. It's bound to happen a few hundred times.

• The Dictator - Chooses Mistresses (as many as they want) from the Pawns. Never fetches their own drinks. Gets the best seat. Gets first pick of the hook-up. Decides the drink of the night (or their reign) and everyone must drink it. Chooses late night food stop. Orders people around and so on.
  
  
• The Mistress - Chosen from the Pawns by the Dictator so it isn't a card that's picked at random. Never fetches their own drinks, but has no power. They ask for favors from the Dictator and General, but they can't give any orders.
  
  
• The General - Scopes out hottest people for the Dictator. Dedicated wing man (or wing girl). Can randomly "punish" any of the Pawns with a single-liquor shot of their choosing or public humiliation (think forced dare) anytime. (The person being punished gets to choose. Instead of "truth or dare", it's "drink or dare".)
  
  
• The Pawns - Fetches everything from purses to condoms. Never gets a drink without asking the Dictator, The Mistress or the General if they want something. Where there can be only one Dictator and General, there can be many pawns.

I'm not sure where this idea came from, but it's something my friends and I would have played in my college and club years. I don't think it's necessarily a completely unique idea, but it definitely has the potential to be a riot.

dirty hands

Guess what I get to do Tuesday?

I get to replace my solenoid on my Jeep!

I have known it was going bad for a few weeks now. Starting was becoming more and more sluggish. Finally it gave out at Publix a few days back. I've been smacking the solenoid for the last few days and Sunday it finally decided it had enough and refused to be that easy. So, after a push start (yay for 5 speed transmissions and my dad for teaching me how. I can turn a key like no one's business.*) I went online and ordered it overnight from my favorite online parts store. (They may not be the cheapest, but they've given the best customer service I've ever experienced.)

I'm actually kind of excited. This is one of the repairs I can actually do myself. Most of the stuff my dad taught me was the normal stuff: radiators & fans, air filter, change oil and oil filter (which I don't do anymore), plugs & wires, fuel pump, all of the other minor stuff like changing tires & replacing batteries and yes, the mighty starter and solenoid. I've always liked working on my cars, but I'm smart enough to know when a problem is out of my league. Oh sure, in my '90 Mustang and '71 Camaro when I was in college I replaced carburetors and alternators, even a transmission with the help of "car guys" with a kickass home garage. I'm no stranger to an engine and I really enjoy the feeling of taking a car that won't go and making it go.

Plus it's going to save me a whole lot of money by not paying $40 an hour for labor, getting free shipping and with a $10 off coupon from my last order.

(and it gives me a week break from doing girly baking stuff and lets me be the tomboy I've always been)


* To push my jeep with a bad solenoid, just get the car going a decent speed and turn the key, giving it some gas. That's different from popping the clutch to start it with a bad battery.

okay then, internet

I ended up looking at porn while I was simply trying to figure out how "crack whore" is properly written.

(crackwhore, crack-whore or crack whore?)

yesterday

Mmmmm.. Sweets..

Gourmet Grasshopper Cheesecake w/ CremeDe Menthe Frosting & Mint Chocolate Drizzle	Bug Cupcakes
Peanut Butter & Jelly Cupcakes	Gourmet Marble Cheesecake w/ Milk Chocolate Frosting

What makes the cheesecakes "gourmet"? A layer of white cake and frosting.

Dear Chik fil A

It's been a long time since we've seen each other. For the past few years, I've stayed away from fast food all together, but the other day I had a very specific craving for your nuggets and waffle fries.

I grew up going to your chain with my grandparents. They were staunch supporters because your owners are Christians. I, however, just loved how crunchy your batter was. There was always little pieces of "crunchies" still attached making them my favorite of all of the chicken nuggets. Even up to a few years ago, they were the best of the best. So, because of that you should understand my horror when opening up my warm little cardboard box to see what terrible mess you've made of such a tasty staple of my "weekends with the grans".

Do you buy miniature chickens now? Why in the hell are your nuggest 1/3 of the size as they used to be? Each one used to be a two-bite nugget. Six of them and a small fry would fill me up. Now what am I left with? Each fucking nugget is a half of bite and the crunchies, oh the wonderful crunchies, are gone and I'm left with greasy dots of meat. To top that off, I'm still fucking hungry.

So go to hell Chik fil A. You could have given me some warning, but of course, why the hell would you advertise that you're changing your food for the worst, not the best? Even rated #1 out of all of the fast food chains didn't give you the balls to keep quantity and quality exactly the same. No.. Of course not. "Let's make the nuggets 1/3 the size and still charge the same! Yay! Stupid customers!" That must has sounded like such a fantastic idea! Instead of raising the prices a quarter, which I surely would have paid for the quality I held dear to my heart, you decided to screw me over.

Well, no more. You, like the rest of the fast food industry, are banished from my existence.

Fuck you and the cow you rode in on.

my day

Two white cakes layers, a grasshopper cheesecake (with 1 1/2 cups of creme de menthe), a marble cheesecake, a dozen jumbo peanut butter and jelly cupcakes and a dozen jumbo bug cupcakes which included 5 colors of frosting (thanks, martha!).

PLUS! 2 miniscule fires (one because apparently grasshopper cheesecake drippings are flammable and I put a lit cigarette on a recipe on the porch table instead of the ashtray) and a fallen hand mixer flinging creamed butter and sugar all over the place.

How was yours?

needed addition

The PS3 (and xbox I guess) need a gun remote so we can shoot annoying people that are in the cut scenes. Not to necessarily change the game but to release pent up anger at fucking ridiculous characters. (see: Buzz Quiz)

tosh.0 quote

"Hey Captain Appropriate, now is not the time to butt-fuck your mother-in-law."

click here for tosh.0 @ comedy central

small

To everyone who says they can't bake because they have a small kitchen, I offer you this:

This is really the only available counter space that I have and everything for a Grasshopper Cheesecake is there. Flour, sugar, egg shells, the banana peel is from making banana buttercream frosting for banana split cupcakes, crisco spray, creme de menthe, cream de cacao, sour cream, chocolate graham crackers, various utensils and tons of other stuff that has already exploded from my over-stuffed cabinets and pantry.

Yup. In this tiny space I've made 2 types of cupcakes, 3 frostings, a cheesecake and the white cake that gets layered on top of the cheesecake and later, mint buttercream frosting and a ganache.

i'm kinda scared

So.. for breakfast I was eating a cherry turnover with a plastic fork and knife. About halfway through I heard the fork pop and a small bit of one of the prongs broke off. I searched through the bite I had just cut but didn't find the piece and still haven't found it around my desk or anywhere else. What all this means is that now I'm paranoid that I ate the piece and it's going to tear a hole in my stomach or intestines or something.

(It's one of those "heavy duty" plastic forks, too.)

Hilarity

My dog Isis responds to "jesus". I'm going use this for fun and games.

want to know what i believe?

Watch every episode of "Penn & Teller: Bullshit!".

Seriously.

To make a comment about the most recent episode: I go to the gun range. I love violent video games. If video games made me violent, don't you think I'd be shooting real people? Don't you think instead solving conflict rationally as I do now, I'd be beating people up, running them over with a car and so on?According to Jack Thompson, a lawyer in Florida who wants to ban all violent video games, I should be shooting real people. But you see, I have this thing called a brain that differentiates between fantasy and reality.

In case you wanted to know: Fuck Hillary Clinton. She's the new Tipper Gore.

You see, I have a problem with the government getting "all up in" my living room. I have a problem with the government trying to ban things "for my own good". You see, I remember all of the BS 2 decades ago when heavy metal music was the enemy. I remember when Marilyn Manson was blamed for the Columbine shootings. I remember everyone in an uproar over "angry music". Since that hasn't worked, Clinton and others are jumping on the "angry video game" band wagon.

Listen, people as individuals have personalities and wiring that's in the full spectrum of "good" and "bad". Serial killers have been around for so long, violence has been around for so long, how can it be the fault of things that have only been invented in the last 30 years? People like to say that in the 50s we didn't have these problems but ask your grandparents about school mates who were shipped off to nunneries to have babies. Think about the rise of mob power during prohibition. Video games and Marilyn Manson weren't around then. They weren't even dreamed of. But yet somehow they are the scourge of all that is unholy.

If we forget the past we are doomed to repeat it. Instead of actually finding the real root of society's problems, people just want the periphery to disappear. That won't work. Banning anything that even hints at violence and sex will not cure the ills of a generation that is having babies at 12 and 13. It won't remove the criminal element. It's shallow and it is a gross misunderstanding of human nature.

it's tesla day!

No no.. Not the incredibly awesome electric car. That I vow to someday own, damnit.
(or whatever is equal is awesomeness when I can actually afford 101k for a vehicle in good conscious.)

I'm talking about Nikola Tesla - the man the car was named after (I'm guessing). If you want a simple answer as to what to thank him for follow the cord that your computer is plugged into. See that outlet in the wall that magically gives our electric components able to operate? That there is AC current. He's more than that, though - see your cell phone there? Yup. He started that revolution in the late 1800s. He was given credit for inventing the radio - because, you know, he did. Without that, no cellphones. He had his fingers in several areas of science from robotics to theoretical physics. And for fuck's sake, the man has a unit of measure named after him.

So, happy birthday you dead, brilliant, weird man. Thanks for making life convenient.

i can't help it

I know you're not supposed to feed strays because they just stay around, but when little kittens have been abandoned by their momma, I just can't help it.

(The white chunks are canned chicken. I figured I'd throw a carrot out there for good measure.)

mangled baby duck

There are rare times when I wish I was still a bar-fly and had my coalition of regular bartenders. (Don't get me wrong, I still drink. I just don't befriend the bartenders anymore. I just tip good.) Right now is one of those times.

See.. when I was a teenager - 16 I think - I was at a house party and someone there made a shot called "mangled baby duck". It was absolutely fantastic! I remembered it the other day and wanted to make it for the 4th. But sadly, an exhaustive search of the internet hasn't led me to any answers. I've even continued trying to search for it, but beyond bellying up to a bar and persuading a bartender to try to recreate it I don't know what to do. You see, I remember that Creme de Cacao floated in some sort of clear liquor (liquors?) and inside that was a drop of grenadine. I remember there was also Creme de Banana (or maybe smashed banana? some sort of banana) but beyond that, I couldn't tell you what was what. I know it was more involved than that, but the fact I can remember that much after (jeez) 16 years is amazing, to be honest. But the idea was that it was poured to look like a duck that had been put in a blender and poured into a shot glass.

Disgusting and delicious at the same time!

I just am tired of wracking my brain and it's going on my bucket list: #147 - Figure out how to make a mangled baby duck.

sneak peek

I'm still working tirelessly on getting stefcakes.com up and running, but here's a little itty, bitty preview for the sugary sweetness that's on its way...

raspberry buttercream frosting

Let me tell you, this frosting is the most amazing frosting I've ever made. It's sweet, it's tart and it's very pretty. It's enough to frost a 3-layer, 9" cake and 1/2 dozen cupcakes... as long as you don't decide to eat it all yourself because you can't keep your grubby fingers out of it. Yes. It really is that good.

Recipe has moved to my food blog >> HERE